Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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