What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
