So gin and wine won't be happening again
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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