Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
