Already got asked if we're dating
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
