Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
