I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
