First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
