Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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