You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
