Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
