can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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