is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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