you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
