im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize