DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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