chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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