I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
