The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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