So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
