I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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