Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
