Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
