Can i not drive my cunt home
I could make wine with my vomit
It was confusing and full of hummus
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
