I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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