i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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