were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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