is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
