my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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