Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
