This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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