I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
