I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
