so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
