If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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