Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
