I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
