You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
