When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
