omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
