i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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