How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
