took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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