My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
