We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
