I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
