fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
