please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
