Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
