i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
