shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
