So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize