I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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