So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
