I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
