Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Plan B is the new Plan A
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
