yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
