Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
