I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I will pee on everything he values.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
