Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize