a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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