direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
What drink are we having for lunch?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
