I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
