You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
